is this boring? i’m excited about everything mentioned below.

over the past week, i have:

1.  recovered from being sick (mostly)

i don’t know what happened, or why or how i got sick.  i had a cold and then a nasty cough, and i’m always phlegmy in general (attractive, no?), but this was phlegm overload.  phlegm central.  phlegm-tastic.  what i do know is that i do not have insurance so i did not go to the doctor.

there is a possiblity that i may be moving to a salary position soon.  this would mean more money for me in my weekly paycheck than i’m getting now.  but no opportunity for overtime.  what i get paid is what i get paid and that’s it.  i almost always have overtime.  but the thing that may seal the deal for me is that i heard a rumor that salaried positions get a discount on the company insurance policy.  i will be doctored once more!

2.  got a bed

the hotel is getting brand new beds in all of the rooms so they’re giving away the old beds.  the united way and other charities are taking some, but the rest of them are up for grabs for employees.  i made my little brothers come with me to the hotel to load them into the minivan.  we had two full sized mattresses in the back and two box springs tied to the top.

except for the whole ti thing…  we didn’t bring anything with us to secure anything to the roof so i had to go to walgreens and find something.  i bought a rope and a phone cord.  so we were those people– the ones with two boxsprings tied to the top of a minivan with a phone cord.

the elder of my brothers just got his permit that day and wanted to drive.  but it started snowing pretty steadily and it was windy so i drove.  when we got to my apartment to drop off my bed, the wind nearly blew us over.  it was awful.  the point of the whole story is, though, no more sleeping on a twin mattress on the ground.  now, like a big girl, i have a bed.  that is off the floor.  and super comfortable.  i have found, too, that for the most part, i sleep diagonal in my bed.

3.  got a desk

well, i actually already had a desk, but we moved it from my parents’ house to my apartment a lot easier than i thought it was going to be.  i am so happy about this one.  my room is starting to come together.  i really love this desk.  it was/ is my dad’s and i’ve laid claim to it since i was about 11 years old.   my desk.  me.

4.  bought a planner

it’s a cute leather bound planner with the whole month and then a week by week thing.  in staff meeting on friday, we ended up scheduling approx. a bajillionty meetings, and i knew i was going to forget them all if i didn’t write them down somewhere.  my actual words, i believe, were, “fuck this, i’m getting a fucking planner.”  i love being organized.  i love everything having its own place and time slot.  it’s very rare that i am organized, but i’d like to make a go for it in 2008.  fuck.

that about sums it up.  oh wait, there was also working 50+ hours, interviewing people for our open position till my eyes bled, and some drinking, too.  overall, a very good, productive week.  next week seems to be shaping up to be much of the same.

sick jam vs. tight groove

if you were a member of the phish newsgroup circa 2003-2004, that would totally be hilarious. i brought up the concept of sick jam vs. tight groove while in pittsburgh, and they didn’t get the reference. i found that odd considering the fact that both adams had been on the board frequently for years. alas, i explained it and ro said she would prefer sick jam. i said no way, brah, tight groove all the way! this conversation led to us shouting out lot references as we were exiting the pittsburgh zoo– who’s got my heady nuggets? molly? where’s my molly? one for three, two for five! what the fuck, it’s just a buck!

i’ve been sick recently. really feeling crappy since wednesday, and i think thursday was the worst of it. my bones and joints ached and i wanted to spend the entire day wrapped up in my down comforter in front of the tv sleeping, or sewing, or reading, just doing nothing that required any physicality whatsoever.

i decided, though, that i also wanted to go grocery shopping. i hadn’t done that in probably five or more weeks, and i really scraped the bottom of the what’s-left-in-the-house-i’ll-eat-no-matter-what barrel about two weeks ago. that made for some interesting and inventive meals, i’ll tell you.

i got some wonderful deals at the store. the grocery store i usually go to is wonderful because it’s so cheap. seriously, i don’t know how they do it, but i love it. ooh, and i just found out that they carry prestuffed hot peppers. all i had to do was throw those bad boys in the oven and enjoy. what a find! i didn’t wear a bra to the grocery store, and i don’t say this as a provocative statement, but just to illustrate how awful i felt at the time. i almost never go out in public without a bra. it’s really not fun for anyone involved. but at that moment, i couldn’t muster up the strength to wear anything that would be flush against my skin. i had on a baggy t-shirt under a baggy hoodie and baggy black flowy pants.

when i came home and had finished unloading all my stuff, i made myself some chai tea, made a sandwich, got on the couch, under my comforter and was about to take a sleeping pill when my phone rang. it was amy from masterminds. (masterminds is an educational after school program for high school students, kind of like college bowl, just the kids are younger. i read questions for them as a second job.) i was like, awww… me and amy are going to be buddies, she’s calling me, maybe to hang out or something. i answered. boy was i wrong. i was super late for a meet.

we’re supposed to get the schools by 2:30 or 2:45 to get accustomed to the setup of the school, where the cafeteria is (which usually acts as a holding room for all the teams not playing at the time), where the reading rooms are, etc. you could maybe push it to getting there by 3:00 or 3:05. yeah, amy called me asking me where i was at 3:30. oh shit!

i dumped my tea in a travel mug and threw on some clothes. the meet was in lancaster, and i am in buffalo. according to google maps, it should take 24 minutes to get there. but that’s under ideal circumstances, with no traffic and every light being green as you approach it. in real time, it should take about 35 minutes. i made it in 18.

my body was still all achy, i was congested, looked like shit, felt like shit. i felt like such an asshole, too. i’ve never once in my life with any job forgotten i had to work. i got there and everything was fine. amy was nice about it, and the kids were super sweet. it’s really a craps shoot as to whether you’re going to be reading for sweet little angels or friggin satan incarnate, but this bunch was super cute.

i can’t believe i forgot about it.  i’ve never done that before.  i feel so dumb.  oh well, it’s all said and done now.  i guess i just need to find a way to remind myself about everything i have upcoming in the week.  maybe a white board to hang in my room.  hmm… i need to organize my thoughts and my schedule.

speaking of, if i could be let loose in office max, or some other such office supply store, with an unlimited budget, i think i would be the happiest person in america.  why do i delight so in files and folders and day planners and dry erase boards and paper and staplers?  maybe because i know my life is not as organized as it could be and my loving office supplies is like projecting what i wish i could be like, what i aspire to.

i’ll think on that.

marmaduke

one of my favorite blogs ever is listed in my blogroll to the left:  marmaduke explained, written by a hilarious man named joe mathlete.  read it.  all of it.  thank me later.  i would like to share a good one with you now:

Marmaduke destroyed his owner-family’s mailbox (and probably a number of other things) during his afternoon walk with his owner-man. Owner-Man makes light of the mailbox situation to his wife, yet another example of how the bulk of their communication is a numb, disconnected and empty series of weak jokes and ironic understatements deployed in order to distance themselves from the horror and futility of spending their lives as the prisoner-slaves of their powerful, self-serving ogre of a dog.

happy birthday, lulu

saturday night, i worked until 11 and then met ashley, allison, and lulu out for lulu’s birthday. the fact that i honestly know someone in my life named lulu makes me so happy. i can’t even begin to explain it. we went to this bar that’s around the corner from my work. one of the reasons i love my current job is that it’s in the city, in an awesome neighborhood, allentown. i used to work in amherst, a suburb of buffalo. in amherst, it was hard to recommend people to cool restaurants and bars because everything out there was all chains– applebees, fridays, carrabba’s, olive garden. there were very few unique places. but in allentown, there are no chains within walking distance, but tons of interesting and varied restaurants with awesome food and settings.

anyway, this bar, i love it, and i’ve become friends with the bartenders and the regulars. they actually have a nickname for me that i don’t despise: “heartbreaker.” one of the cooks at this place decided recently to confess his undying love for me. i’d never actually spoken to him before. he pulled me aside and told me that he would be so lucky as to spend five minutes alone with me and that he could tell i was really smart and a woman on the rise. when i think about it, those are some really kind words. but in all actuality, i couldn’t get past the creepy factor. he followed ashley into the women’s bathroom to gush to her about me and told her that he thought that i was “the one.” again, i’d never previously spoken to him.

i told him that i was flattered and honored and i greatly appreciated all of the nice things he said about me, but that i wasn’t interested. apparently, after this, he was at the other end of the place talking about committing suicide. that obviously has nothing to do with me, but it’s still like… i don’t know how to react to that. is it supposed to make me feel guilty? am i then supposed to hear that and want to be with him?

another time, a kid walked into the bar off the street that had applied at my job just a day earlier. i took his application from him and remembered him because his name was harold and he really didn’t look like a harold. i saw him at the bar, actually, the same night i had that confrontation with the cook, and asked him if he was harold. he said yes and we started talking. again, not at all interested, but for some reason, he followed me around like a lost puppy that night. he had eyes that were deep sunken into his head and he looked like he hadn’t eaten in days and had been shooting up for hours. bill, one of the bar regulars, jokingly referred to him as david bowie. when i was done being overly polite by continuing to talk to him out of pseudo-guilt due to the fact that he came there alone, i walked away to hang out with ash. bill said david bowie kept looking around for me and staring at me. weird. and thus, in one night, i earned my name, “heartbreaker.”

so this is my bar, a cute neighborhood place where everybody literally does know my name. it’s a fun group of people. lulu’s birthday was awesome, one of the most fun nights i’ve had in a while. every night, this man with a big bucket of roses and bouquets makes his rounds to all the bars on allen st. trying to sell flowers to people drunk enough to buy them. i bought lulu two roses last night and she was so happy! i had to work at 7 am so i couldn’t stay out too late, but still, what a fun night. it was just such a good mix of people, all in good moods, all there for a good person. i just really love fun, drama free nights.

poor maggie’s almanac

as previously mentioned, i am poor.  i love love love my poorly paying job, and work full time.  i think technically, i would still be below the poverty line, though.  i am barely able to pay all of my bills, rent, have gas in my car, and eat.  i haven’t been grocery shopping since the beginning of december or so.

cole taught me that he doesn’t go shopping until absolutely everything he has is gone.  still a can of creamed corn in the cupboard?  then why the hell would you shop?  oh, you still have a random packet of maple and brown sugar oatmeal?  hello dinner!

i don’t eat at home often anyway.  i usually wake up, have breakfast, and then go to work where i get dinner for free because i’m a manager.  then on my days off, i’m kind of screwed.  i love to cook, and i would love to be able to eat fresh food all the time.  fresh veggies and fruits and bread and eggs and all that, but i’m not at home often enough for it to be worth it for me to buy fresh products.

right now, i have half a box of yogurt crunch life, some peanuts, a little bit of milk, some orange juice, some oatmeal, whole wheat pasta, girl scout cookies, and then condiments up the yin yang.  bbq sauce, hot sauce, butter, cream cheese, grated parmesean cheese, two different types of salad dressing, and so on.  once, wayne and i went grocery shopping and spent nearly $100 on condiments alone.  true story.

sunday, i spent a good part of the day clipping bits of the buffalo news jobfinder up.  i need a job with hours that are something like 8-2 or so.  my hotel job starts at 3.  i am not at all opposed to food service, and would ideally like to find something with benefits.  i would like to work about 20-30 hours per week.  the hotel has health plans, but i can’t afford them.  i have been without insurance for probably about three years, maybe four.  i’m sure i could use new glasses by now.

anyway, today i stopped by one of the places i’d seen advertised and filled out an application.  adam’s rib, a restaurant in snyder.  truth be told, i had never been in there before.  i thought it would be a cute little place.  and it is, kind of…  when i walked in, there were 4 septuagenarians at the bar and the bartender looked like she was about 55 or so.  aww, cute old folks.  the decor looked like it probably hadn’t been updated in at least three decades, possibly more.  the position was a cook’s assistant/ dishwasher and the ad said that it would be perfect for a mom with kids in school.  this makes me think that the hours are primarily morning based.  however, this job would not fulfill my benefits wish.

a lot of the jobs i clipped for were office assistants, mail room assistants, telemarketers, call centers, blah, blah, blah.  as a secondary job, though, maybe it would be all good.  i also clipped out for people inc.  i am thinking this might be a great job for me.  i also believe that they have benefits.  we’ll see.

i plan on filling out several applications so that i can have my choice of many options.  and i’m not going to stress out over this.  a coworker at a former job once told me that there is never any need to stress out over a second job.  second jobs should be stress free, and in my mind, so should second job searching.  ah, relaxed, and looking for a few hours here and there.  ahhh…

one of the jobs i am thinking about applying for is a cafeteria monitor for a charter school in the city.  ha, what a dorky job.  i think i would actually really like it.  do i discipline?  i have no idea.  going to a private school sheltered me from a lot of situations in school that some consider universal.

hmm… i wonder where this will all lead me.  seriously, though, i love the title for this entry.  so so true.

a completely uncomprehensive weekend recap

on saturday, my roommate’s parents came over to paint our living and dining rooms. my roommate, cole, bought the house we’re living in, and i pay him rent and split the bills. the upstairs apartment is vacant; he’s in the process of renting it out now. i told him that what would probably be the most effective way for him to get someone in there a.s.a.p. would be to post on craigslist. the two of us went up there and we took photos with my digital camera. i had him install the photo software on his computer and upload the pictures. he posted on craigslist and not 15 minutes later, his phone was ringing with people wanting to come see it, set up appointments, etc. i am so smart. smrt.

anyway, they came over and i was woken up by the sounds of them moving furniture around, vacuuming, doing dishes. it was kind of nice to hear people other than cole and myself moving around in the apartment. it was nice to have other people over. and then, i heard some distinctio notes. i was rolling around in my twin sized bed, fluffing my fabulous down comforter, and i thought maybe i was imagining things. nope. i woke myself up completely and sure enough, they were listening to my phish cd. divided sky.

i don’t know if when i was seeing live shows i had enough appreciation for this song. it’s gorgeous. i never disliked it, that’s for sure, but now, waking up to hear it mixed in with the cacauphony of industrious productivity– it was such a lovely way to wake up. “aaaaaah… divided sky, the wind blows high…”

i tried to clean my room which basically consisted of me getting sidetracked looking at all my stuff that i haven’t seen in a long time. maybe i own too many things. too many books, too many clothes, too much clutter, too much junk. i feel like i have moderately inherited my mother’s pack-rat-ed-ness. i’m nowhere near as bad as she is. but do i really need the april 2004 issue of cosmo? (this is the only random old magazine i have in my new apartment. it’s not *too* bad, right? what if i want to re-take the quizzes? or jog my own memory on 81 ways to be a goddess in the bedroom?) i found phish tickets for some of the last shows i saw. i found a book that i carried around with me for that month, december 2003. there were scribbled memories and hilarious quotes.

i found in that book a list of phone numbers for all these people who i never see anymore. it’s odd just how drastically my life has changed since then. anyway, i wrote everyone’s numbers in colored pencil, in very neat longhand. and then, in ink, at the end of the list was wayne. i ended up memorizing that number, loving it, spending so long thinking about dialing it, not wanting to hang up once it was dialed and answered. in an age where many people can’t remember anyone’s numbers and would be lost without their cell phones, i can still rattle it off without hesitation.  when dialing it, i feel like my thumb– my dialin’ digit– is making circles.  i love it.  and i bet now you know why he lovingly gave me the title “queen of digression.”

cole’s parents were going to come back sunday morning to do some more work.  i had to work overnight on sunday and wanted to watch football in the afternoon, so i decided to stay at the hotel saturday night.  i didn’t want to be woken up too early, and didn’t want to get in anyone’s way.  colts lost.  giants won.  the mannings were split.  i would marry peyton in a second if i could.

overnight was all right.  i thought it was going to be awful.  i had been trained once on the audit, and had taken extensive notes.  i still thought that i would mess it up something awful, but as it turns out, i did okay.  i had to call my manager once and stayed on the phone with him trouble shooting for about 40 minutes, but for a first go at it, i feel like that was good.

weekend over, entry over.

what age should i be?

sometimes, i think i was born at the wrong time.  not by too much, either.  a couple years.  what if i were a couple years older?  i envision my life being settled and easy with a 9-5 and a golden retriever or something.  i think this is because i always equated elevated age with elevated success and financial security.

when i was younger, i thought that i would graduate college at age 21, immediately get a great (paying) job, have a fantastic apartment, and be super thin.  oh also, i would have a wonderful boyfriend, and we would be engaged and i would have a dream wedding.  (see?  underneath this crusty exterior, i have girly hopes and dreams!)  so far, none of the above has happened, really.  i have snippets of what i wanted.

i never graduated college.  i started out at an expensive private school.  i couldn’t afford it.  even with loans and grants and scholarships, i was not able to pay for it.  my parents helped out as much as they could, but none of it was enough.  i was angry at my parents for this for a long time.  they should have planned better.  they should have saved more.

but i, too, should have saved more and planned better.  instead, i was doing that typical teenager thing where i think i’m invincible and if i look away, everything will work itself out.  don’t look the problem in the eye, just kind of… don’t look at it at all.  i never took cost into consideration when deciding on a school.  i should have applied to more state schools, and applied for all the crazy state funding.  instead, here i am with three semesters of college education, thinking about the past.

i do have a great job.  in case you didn’t catch it the 25 times i mentioned it in yesterday’s post, i love my job.  i get to work with people, both internal customers and external.  i get to hire, fire, interview, and do some really fun managerial stuff like that.  my company and my managers believe in me and invest in me and i have an awesome sense of calm and security in my workplace.

but i don’t get paid shit.  seriously, i should be getting paid about 1.5 to 2 times what i’m making now.  i am paid hourly, and don’t make double digits.  sad.  yesterday, i went to my parents’ house to continue to clean out my old room there so one of my little brothers can take it over, and instead of cleaning, i spent the whole day writing a resume and browsing on craigslist.

i have a nice apartment, and i love my roommate.  i can’t complain about that at all.

the super thin part, it’s a work in progress.  i am overweight.  i don’t take into considerations what those charts in doctors’ offices say, but instead feel it out.  i have my own ideal weight.  and i am over that by a bit.  i think it’s because i drink too much.  beverage calories are still calories, and i need to consider that more often.  i’ve decided to make a mlk day resolution, though, involving exercise and a lifestyle change.  i’ve done it before, i can do it again.  but i think i should look into why i failed previously and try to eradicate that problem.  to be honest, though, i don’t remember why i failed previously.

and about the boyfriend.  all i have right now are memories.  if you know me, you probably know all about it.  i have hope, memories, and the knowledge that no matter what, my ideal man is out there.  he is.  i’ve seen him, and kissed him.  i don’t like to talk about this.  still, nearly four years later, i cry like a baby when i think too hard about it.

i have a job interview on tuesday.  it would be soliciting people to buy vacuum cleaners.  selling vacuum cleaners was clearly not mentioned in my paragraph up there about my hopes and dreams as a child.  i never thought, though, that the job i would eventually have and love would pay poorly.  right now, i would rather be happy and scrape along with zero dollars than sell my soul for money.

and if i have to sling a couple home appliances in the meantime, so be it.

make note of this phrase: “at the bar last night…”

you may be hearing it a lot.  or some variation thereof.  i have a lot of stories from bars that deal with situations which are fueled by imbibing.

so, for the very first time here in this blog, “At The Bar Last Night,” i was sitting with amanda and two random guys who were probably both trying to hit on her.  we were all talking about football.  one of them was saying that buffalo needs a good cold weather quarterback.  he said our problem is that losman and edwards both went to warm weather schools:  tulane and stanford, respectively.  he suggested donovan mcnabb.

i dissented saying that mcnabb was injury riddled and not so spectacular.  he’s good, by all means, but not The Answer for Buffalo.  also, it’s possible that edwards could be molded into a Good Quarterback.

and then, the man grabbed my wrist.  no.  not okay.  i think he was really into the conversation and just very adamant about his point of view, but he grabbed my wrist hard, to the point where, last night, in the moment, i thought i was going to have a bruise this morning.  i don’t, as it turns out, but i can still feel where he grabbed me, and i have a little red mark.

i yelled at him.  i told him not to touch me.  we’re all buddy buddy here talking about football, but hands are not required for this conversation.  i kind of felt bad about yelling at him, too, because i feel like he really didn’t mean it and just got carried away.  so i smiled after yelling at him, telling him that it’s all right, it was an honest mistake, we’re cool… but don’t ever fucking do it again.

searching

i’m looking for a new job. not to replace my existing job, which is fabulous, but to augment my income because, to use the parlance of our times, i’m po’ as shit.

joan logged on to AIM today for the first time in about two years.

M************* (5:51:29 PM): in this case, mo’ money= mo’ ability to pay bills, and not mo’ problems as the old adage suggests

l********** (5:51:55 PM): the old hip hop adage

l********** (5:51:56 PM): lol

i am an assistant front desk/ front office manager at an international hotel chain. i love it. yesterday, i fired someone. i loved it. often times, i think that i am a nice and reasonable person to work for. i do not ask anything of my employees that i have not/ would not do myself. so why do i take such pleasure in firing people?

i know the answer to this already, but it does not satisfy me for some reason. one of my biggest problems has always been my inability to recognize that not everyone around me has the same work ethic as me. i work. hard. i take my job seriously and do not appreciate those who don’t feel the same way as me.

the man whom i fired yesterday was terminated due to excessive call offs. he kept giving us (my boss, dan, and myself) these sob stories about his sick nephew, his dying cousin, etc. maybe they were all true. but why would you have a job when you clearly do not want to work?

he called the hotel and i answered. the best part is he was calling in for that night. i told him not to worry about coming in that night. or ever, really. he was being let go. and then, something snapped. all of a sudden, he was able to make it in, not for his shift, but directly following it to try to reason with dan. to beg.

i enjoyed saying the words, “you’re being let go.” i enjoyed hearing him writhe and flinch and flail on the other end of the line. am i too much of a bitch? no. i maintain that i am effective and fair.

and perhaps i just really enjoy a large side of schadenfreude with my fairness.

new blog?

i don’t know why i’m creating a new blog when i barely post in the existing one. and i had one before my current one, but i kind of stopped posting on that one, too. am i a blog heart breaker? use one for a while, then dump it and move on, unrepentantly?

i don’t want this to be boring. my life is not boring, generally speaking, and i don’t know why i can’t convey that into words. i am captivated by my life, albeit a bit narcissistic at times, so why is my writing so banal? is it because i use words like banal just to prove that i know them (and then secretly open a new tab in firefox, m-w.com, and check to make sure i either spelled it write or used it correctly in context)? is it because i waffle between wanting to write seriously and beautifully and wanting to write hilarious sardonic pieces that people will take from online and infuse into real life conversations?

either way, here goes. i do not want to abandon livejournal. maybe i will make that one just for photos from now on because i had such a good time posting pictures the other day. (that may be a friends-only post, who knows?) i need to find a purpose for this blog. that’s step one. and step two is to aim to fulfill it. step three is to smoke less. it’s bad for me.