because this matters

Your IQ Is 130

Your Logical Intelligence is Exceptional Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

no one reads this anyway

that’s okay, though, because i would rather have no one reading it than have a billion and not know who exactly has somehow found their way over to my little slice of the internet. i have stuff to write about my manguyboyfriend?likecrushdude. but that will wait.

today–

day off from both jobs completely. i’m getting my eyes examined for contacts, possibly buying an armoire, need to buy allergy medicine (i’m dying here!), starting the book for the book club (FINALLY), and catching up on some general life maintenance.

i might also pick up extra hours at the other job. we’ll see.

okay, time for my eye exam. update about the boy soon.

we were supposed to go for a ride on the motorcycle, but he said it was too cold and that i would freeze. it was really cold, but i was still asking about it because i’d been psyching myself up for it all week. sunday, i will ride. sunday, i will ride. i’m nervous. i’ve never been on a motorcycle before. everyone tells me that i will be fine, but i’m still going to be nervous about it no matter what.

next sunday, his friend is riding up here on his bike. my guy said, we should all cruise then… you, me, him, and his girlfriend. i took that as a really good sign. that’s a double date, right? or at least, he’s getting into the mindset where 1. i’m important enough to introduce to his friends from back home and 2. i could be there as his… like, his female addition to the group. so maybe like his girlfriend?

this is so weird. i’ve never had anything move so slowly before, but i love it. i love it because i still feel nervous and excited every time i see him or think about him or talk to him. i still go back and edit e-mails that i write to him so that it sounds perfect and he’ll think i’m a witty, intellectual, fantastic, beautiful person.

last night, we went out for liana’s birthday. she’s amazing, and probably number one or two on my best friends list. at least, in buffalo right now. but definitely top five overall. we went to faherty’s where her mom bought us all drinks and shots to celebrate and we had a good chant going: DAY OF BIRTH! DAY OF BIRTH!

then we went to the pink but it was dead, so we went to brick bar, but that was dead, so we walked to frizzy’s, which was closed. we finally settled on gabriel’s gate. jeremy and bill were there. hi buddies! we did shots again, and at this point, i was feeling really good. i hadn’t seriously had a night out in a really long time. a couple days prior, i went out for one beer, but that doesn’t count. this was Drinking. capital d. and it was only like five beers total, and two shots or so, whereas i used to be able to down a billion beers and shots. yay for no tolerance! that makes me a cheap date.

after the gate, we went back to the pink where i ran into john. john is this guy that i met at the pink on st. patrick’s day 2007. he smoked me up in the bar and hit it off with me and my lesbian friends i was there with. really nice guy. he was wearing a kilt. one of the lesbians and i went back to that bar in august and he was there again in the kilt again. we started talking, i gave him my number, and so on… it never really went anywhere because things that i had at first been iffy on (like the fact that he talks so much… i mean, A LOT), i decided i didn’t really like about him. not that he’s a bad person in general, and i think we would be great friends, but i didn’t want to date him and he took it super personally, which i can understand. he also pressured me a lot, which is never cool.

anyway, we stayed at the pink and ended up having a great time. john texted me right after he left telling me it was nice seeing me. liana’s friend ryan gave me some really good advice about my boy situation; honestly, it was the best boy advice i may have ever received. and i drove them back to ryan’s house and called it a night.

i had so much fun. yesterday was a really good day overall. and i haven’t even written yet about my sex toy party. more to come…

rare issues

i’ve recently been facing some issues in my life that i’m not all that familiar with. namely, regarding a man. namely, regarding the man…

i’m outspoken, outgoing, extroverted, loud, boisterous, uplifting, cheery, hilarious, MODEST, etc. and when i’m around him, i’m someone completely different. still hilarious, cheery, uplifting, and all the rest, but i’m so shy. i don’t know what it is. i want to tell him that i like him. i want to let him know how i feel. but i’m scared. it’s odd.

i was talking with steph at work the other day about all of this and she asked me how confident i was that he liked me back, and i said at least 80%, probably closer to 85% or so. i mean, he does super sweet things for me. he opens my car door, brushes the snow off my car, pays for dinner, pays for drinks, smiles at me despite the fact that there are other people in the room who may see us “making eyes” at each other, burns me cds of music he thinks i’ll like, explains things to me so that i can understand them, shows me things that he has made or that he has to do for school, even if i can’t understand them. i mean, it’s really cute. he’s just adorable, and i want to be around him all the time.

our common enemy is time. he is completely devoted to school, like… completely. it’s an odd juxtaposition, i think. he’s someone who is so much his own person, so unconforming, so unique, so individual, and yet, he is entirely into school. he has had a 4.0 gpa for the last two semesters or so, and i’d be surprised if he didn’t have one this semester also.

i now have two jobs. i work A LOT. especially when people call in, which has happened to me twice in the past three days. i figured out at work yesterday that from wednesday to sunday, i worked 67.5 hours. but in that time span, i had 3 pm saturday to 3 pm sunday off from both jobs, so if we removed 24 hours from that equation, it evens out to about 17 hours per day. damn. i need to slow it down…

anyway, so i work all the time, and he works all the time, and i don’t know how to reconcile the two. i’m getting ahead of myself, though, because we’re not even together. i’m nervous around him. my stomach balls up and i feel like i might throw up. i have not felt this way in a really long time. it’s like middle school crush feeling. and it’s awesome.

i am plagued by the what-ifs. what if i was wrong and the signs i interpretted as flirtation were really him just being a nice guy? what if i tell him i like him and he doesn’t feel the same way? what if we try to be together and we can never find the time? what if i make a fool out of myself and ruin our friendship? i don’t know. i don’t know what to do or how to do it. i don’t know how to say i like you in terms that make it sound better than the one-syllable words it really is. i like you. i have feelings for you? no, corny. i really enjoy hanging out and i want to get to know you better? also extremely corny. i don’t know… how do i do this? heeeeeeelp!

i wish i had shakespeare scripting my confession of liking scene… maybe not the whole story because i don’t want to have to dress like a man, be tricked by fairies, kill myself, or drown in order to advance my love story. i just want to tell him and to have him reciprocate and for everything from there on out to be wonderful.

i saw victor wooten on saturday night, and it was amazing, as usual. i really wish i were that good or passionate about anything. he’s just amazing. he warps the instrument into whatever he wants it to be– funky, fun, melodic, sweet, smooth, choppy, etc. he was there… my guy… but we didn’t sit together. he bought his ticket a billion months before i did and he was way closer, but off to the side. i was back further from the stage, but more center. we both agreed i had the better seat.

he left the show early, so when i call him he was already at his room. i went over there and hung out. i saw some of the girls who had lived at the hotel when it was a dorm. he made me cds and a les claypool dvd. we watch youtube videos of crazy drum solos and bassists. he got out his bass and played for me, looking into my eyes the whole time. it was incredibly intimate (despite the fact that his roommate was in the room the entire time). we walked around together for a while and he made me laugh while we were talking about drunk kids flailing on the same path as us.

my tire pressure was low, and he hopped in my car telling me to take it to the gas station and he would fill it for me. when we got there, the air pump was broken, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right? i drove him back and we talked for another hour or so sitting in my car. our goodbye was a long hug and a “i have to go before we start talking again because i’ll be here all night” type of parting comment.

aaaaahhhh… someone advise me. what do i do? how do i get up the balls to say something? he’ll be going home (about 4 hours away) in a little over a month. what then? it’s just crazy for me to feel something so… strong and so… pure. i’m taken aback and confused as to what my next step should be.

until then

wednesday:

disposable job (d.j. hereafter)– 10:30-2

hotel– 3-11

thursday:

d.j.– 9-2:30

hotel 3-11

friday:

d.j.–9-2:30

hotel–3-11

saturday:

d.j.– 9-3

no hotel, VICTOR WOOTEN at night!

i’m super excited to see victor wooten.  more on this subject later.  for now, i must sleep since i don’t think i’ll be getting much of it in the next couple days.  i can’t wait to adjust to getting up early.  thursday will be the worst of it, though.  and friday, i guess.