why, buffalo, why?

last night, i worked from 11 pm to 7 am. we always keep the flat screen in the lobby on the weather channel (unless there’s a major sporting event… or… american idol). i stopped to check out the weather because we were freezing all night long, and yes, that awful four letter word was on the tv screen: SNOW! not a for real forecast for snow, but it was saying that since it’s a balmy 38 degrees outside, some of the light rain may have snow mixed in.

it is may 19. more than half way done with may. I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS!

one of the saddest days of my life

i just found a piece of paper that i had scribbled on at work. it was written to remind me about a story that i wanted to share. i feel like many people have already heard this story, but it definitely bears repeating.

when i was a freshman at canisius, for quad party, my friends and i made matching t-shirts. we called ourselves the core. CORE! on floor four! and yes, i was in room 420, which made me very popular with a certain demographic. which i was very happy about.

anyway, for this particular quad party, we made a bunch of jello shots. about 400 in all. literally. i was 18 and two months at this point. how the hell i got my hands on enough liquor to make 400 jello shots, i don’t even remember now, but it gives me hope and confidence for the safety and wellbeing of my younger brothers right now (ages 17 and 18).

they had a carnival in the parking lot of the athletic center. there were games where you could win goldfish, fried dough, cotton candy, and even a sumo wrestling mat and suits. i have always wanted to do that sumo thing, so i put my name on the list with my friend bob grabowski.

bob and i were gunna sumo wrassle.

finally, after what seemed like an eternity, our names were called. i was certain that i was vicious enough to take down bob who was about 3 inches shorter than me and about 50 pounds heavier than me. sure i was tall and lean, but he didn’t know what was coming!

we strapped into our gear, and the helmet felt a little loose, the suit felt a little tight, but alas, i was drunk off jello and going to sumo, come hell or high water.

the whistle blows. we start to wrestle. walking in this thing is a huge spectacle. all our friends are cheering us on. i bump into bob, we both stumble backwards. i just enjoy myself walking around in this hilarious monstrosity. bob takes a half hearted belly bump at me and i fall over backwards.

i fall over backwards and black out for three seconds. apparently, the helmet was really too loose, and when i fell, the helmet hit the ground and my head hit the helmet. damn. this was at about 1:30 pm. quad party lasts all day.

so this is the story of how i got a concussion on quad party day from sumo-ing. i couldn’t drink for the rest of the day so i went to my room and burned cds for people. i made my boyfriend at the time come to my dorm room (and stop drinking) and keep me awake so i wouldn’t die in my sleep from sumo-related injuries.

what did i write on the piece of paper to remind myself of this?

concussion in a fat suit.

something i forgot to mention

if you read in the previous post about how i spent a night swimming naked in a waterfall (many of you already know this story and/ or this detail), i need to include an amazing part of the story that i somehow left out.

i thought that this was one of the most amazing nights ever.  i got into the guy’s car when the sun was already up and the birds had been chirping for hours.  he drove me to my house, and i want to say that radiohead was still playing in the car.  i was starting to sober up.  i got out of the car feeling like sex goddess 2007, maniacal, redhead, diva, lover of the year, etc.  i went inside and peed (i don’t want to think too hard about what kind of creek nastiness was in my vagina), and still was beaming from being so naughty.  and then i looked in the mirror.

apparently, i didn’t wear waterproof mascara that day.  i had black streaks ALL OVER my face.  consider my bubble burst-ed.  it was a black mascara bubble and it burst all over my face.  hahahahaha… wow.  why wouldn’t he say anything?  oh lord, i thought i was hot shit, but nope!  mascara-face!  note to men:  tell us when we look like assholes.  it will be better than us finding out after the fact.  wow…

i am making some progress on the book club book, albeit not as much as i’d like. i will admit i’m finding it hard to read. i’m not the biggest fan of the style, but i don’t think i’ve gotten into the meat of the book. i suppose not seeing as i haven’t hit the 100 page mark yet in a 500 page book. my guess would be the good shit really starts to happen around the 20% mark or so.

i’m plugging away, though. i’m a medium slow reader to begin with. i hardly ever finish books quickly. it’s usually drawn out over several weeks. in this particular instance, with the two jobs, i hardly find myself with time that’s not already committed to some activity or another. occasionally, at the hotel, i have time to read, but those occasional times are always on overnights when i am too tired to keep my eyes open and i wind up laying down on the disgusting floor in a suit that i spent a lot of money on trying not to fall asleep because i have contacts in.

oh hey, internet, i got contacts. i love my glasses. i love how i look in my glasses. i just think sometimes, to acheive certain looks, the glasses just won’t do. plus, over the summer, i want to wear sunglasses when i want to, and not perscription sunglasses cause they always looked weird to me. also, when i’m not wearing glasses, i won’t have that odd sunburn line right at the bridge of my nose. it always makes the sunburn look worse. i feel like i’m justifying this a lot because it’s sort of vain. but also convenient. vanity is allowed sometimes, right? just not too much of it.

the guy i like has gone home. the last day i saw him, it was about a week before his birthday (which was this past tuesday). i got him a couple presents– some blackberry lambic that he liked from when we went to cole’s for dinner, a book called “what shat that?” (romantic, no?), and a birthday party pack with 8 napkins, 8 plates, 8 party hats, and 8 balloons that all say “happy fucking birthday.” i picked him up and we went to starbucks. sat and talked there for a while and then went to glen falls.

let’s take a moment to reflect on the fact that i went skinny dipping in glen falls last summer. i was drunk, it was warm, i was wearing a white dress, i was with a super hot guy friend that i had been eyeing up for a while. he and i had been flirting for months, and it finally seemed like… now’s the time to jump on this. literally? he played radiohead in his car on the way to the waterfalls, whose cds might as well be labeled drunk maggie aphrodesiac. something about radiohead after drinking just makes me want to fuck. he didn’t know this. he just put it on. so, i ended up naked in a creek under a waterfall with radiohead running through my mind. we stayed and swam till the sun came up, and wondered which stuffy people from their expensive falls-view houses were watching us, or taking pictures, or videotaping. and we didn’t care.

so fast forward to the day i went there recently. we hopped down over the ledge and walked on the rocks in the creek when i see this MONSTER fish flailing in the exact spot i spent a good majority of my time swimming in last year. like, huge. i am not a fan of fish. i don’t eat fish, i don’t like the smell, i don’t like their buggy eyes or their slimy exteriors. not a fish person. anything bigger than a goldfish, and i just about lose it. they’re creepy and scary, and i hate them. so this HUGE fish is in my naked spot, and i… i don’t know. it just made me want to take about eighteen showers. a conversation between me and the guy–

m: oh my god, look at the size of that fish.
tg: yeah, it’s pretty big.
m: what the fuck is happening over there? is this fish honestly walking on water? holy shit, it’s the jesus fish!
tg: no, it’s probably just that there’s a rock over…
m: don’t say there’s a rock! there is no rock! it’s scary monster jesus fish! the fish is fucking walking on water! JESUS FIIIIIIIIISH!

why do i have any friends at all?