i am making some progress on the book club book, albeit not as much as i’d like. i will admit i’m finding it hard to read. i’m not the biggest fan of the style, but i don’t think i’ve gotten into the meat of the book. i suppose not seeing as i haven’t hit the 100 page mark yet in a 500 page book. my guess would be the good shit really starts to happen around the 20% mark or so.

i’m plugging away, though. i’m a medium slow reader to begin with. i hardly ever finish books quickly. it’s usually drawn out over several weeks. in this particular instance, with the two jobs, i hardly find myself with time that’s not already committed to some activity or another. occasionally, at the hotel, i have time to read, but those occasional times are always on overnights when i am too tired to keep my eyes open and i wind up laying down on the disgusting floor in a suit that i spent a lot of money on trying not to fall asleep because i have contacts in.

oh hey, internet, i got contacts. i love my glasses. i love how i look in my glasses. i just think sometimes, to acheive certain looks, the glasses just won’t do. plus, over the summer, i want to wear sunglasses when i want to, and not perscription sunglasses cause they always looked weird to me. also, when i’m not wearing glasses, i won’t have that odd sunburn line right at the bridge of my nose. it always makes the sunburn look worse. i feel like i’m justifying this a lot because it’s sort of vain. but also convenient. vanity is allowed sometimes, right? just not too much of it.

the guy i like has gone home. the last day i saw him, it was about a week before his birthday (which was this past tuesday). i got him a couple presents– some blackberry lambic that he liked from when we went to cole’s for dinner, a book called “what shat that?” (romantic, no?), and a birthday party pack with 8 napkins, 8 plates, 8 party hats, and 8 balloons that all say “happy fucking birthday.” i picked him up and we went to starbucks. sat and talked there for a while and then went to glen falls.

let’s take a moment to reflect on the fact that i went skinny dipping in glen falls last summer. i was drunk, it was warm, i was wearing a white dress, i was with a super hot guy friend that i had been eyeing up for a while. he and i had been flirting for months, and it finally seemed like… now’s the time to jump on this. literally? he played radiohead in his car on the way to the waterfalls, whose cds might as well be labeled drunk maggie aphrodesiac. something about radiohead after drinking just makes me want to fuck. he didn’t know this. he just put it on. so, i ended up naked in a creek under a waterfall with radiohead running through my mind. we stayed and swam till the sun came up, and wondered which stuffy people from their expensive falls-view houses were watching us, or taking pictures, or videotaping. and we didn’t care.

so fast forward to the day i went there recently. we hopped down over the ledge and walked on the rocks in the creek when i see this MONSTER fish flailing in the exact spot i spent a good majority of my time swimming in last year. like, huge. i am not a fan of fish. i don’t eat fish, i don’t like the smell, i don’t like their buggy eyes or their slimy exteriors. not a fish person. anything bigger than a goldfish, and i just about lose it. they’re creepy and scary, and i hate them. so this HUGE fish is in my naked spot, and i… i don’t know. it just made me want to take about eighteen showers. a conversation between me and the guy–

m: oh my god, look at the size of that fish.
tg: yeah, it’s pretty big.
m: what the fuck is happening over there? is this fish honestly walking on water? holy shit, it’s the jesus fish!
tg: no, it’s probably just that there’s a rock over…
m: don’t say there’s a rock! there is no rock! it’s scary monster jesus fish! the fish is fucking walking on water! JESUS FIIIIIIIIISH!

why do i have any friends at all?

because this matters

Your IQ Is 130

Your Logical Intelligence is Exceptional Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

no one reads this anyway

that’s okay, though, because i would rather have no one reading it than have a billion and not know who exactly has somehow found their way over to my little slice of the internet. i have stuff to write about my manguyboyfriend?likecrushdude. but that will wait.

today–

day off from both jobs completely. i’m getting my eyes examined for contacts, possibly buying an armoire, need to buy allergy medicine (i’m dying here!), starting the book for the book club (FINALLY), and catching up on some general life maintenance.

i might also pick up extra hours at the other job. we’ll see.

okay, time for my eye exam. update about the boy soon.

we were supposed to go for a ride on the motorcycle, but he said it was too cold and that i would freeze. it was really cold, but i was still asking about it because i’d been psyching myself up for it all week. sunday, i will ride. sunday, i will ride. i’m nervous. i’ve never been on a motorcycle before. everyone tells me that i will be fine, but i’m still going to be nervous about it no matter what.

next sunday, his friend is riding up here on his bike. my guy said, we should all cruise then… you, me, him, and his girlfriend. i took that as a really good sign. that’s a double date, right? or at least, he’s getting into the mindset where 1. i’m important enough to introduce to his friends from back home and 2. i could be there as his… like, his female addition to the group. so maybe like his girlfriend?

this is so weird. i’ve never had anything move so slowly before, but i love it. i love it because i still feel nervous and excited every time i see him or think about him or talk to him. i still go back and edit e-mails that i write to him so that it sounds perfect and he’ll think i’m a witty, intellectual, fantastic, beautiful person.

last night, we went out for liana’s birthday. she’s amazing, and probably number one or two on my best friends list. at least, in buffalo right now. but definitely top five overall. we went to faherty’s where her mom bought us all drinks and shots to celebrate and we had a good chant going: DAY OF BIRTH! DAY OF BIRTH!

then we went to the pink but it was dead, so we went to brick bar, but that was dead, so we walked to frizzy’s, which was closed. we finally settled on gabriel’s gate. jeremy and bill were there. hi buddies! we did shots again, and at this point, i was feeling really good. i hadn’t seriously had a night out in a really long time. a couple days prior, i went out for one beer, but that doesn’t count. this was Drinking. capital d. and it was only like five beers total, and two shots or so, whereas i used to be able to down a billion beers and shots. yay for no tolerance! that makes me a cheap date.

after the gate, we went back to the pink where i ran into john. john is this guy that i met at the pink on st. patrick’s day 2007. he smoked me up in the bar and hit it off with me and my lesbian friends i was there with. really nice guy. he was wearing a kilt. one of the lesbians and i went back to that bar in august and he was there again in the kilt again. we started talking, i gave him my number, and so on… it never really went anywhere because things that i had at first been iffy on (like the fact that he talks so much… i mean, A LOT), i decided i didn’t really like about him. not that he’s a bad person in general, and i think we would be great friends, but i didn’t want to date him and he took it super personally, which i can understand. he also pressured me a lot, which is never cool.

anyway, we stayed at the pink and ended up having a great time. john texted me right after he left telling me it was nice seeing me. liana’s friend ryan gave me some really good advice about my boy situation; honestly, it was the best boy advice i may have ever received. and i drove them back to ryan’s house and called it a night.

i had so much fun. yesterday was a really good day overall. and i haven’t even written yet about my sex toy party. more to come…

rare issues

i’ve recently been facing some issues in my life that i’m not all that familiar with. namely, regarding a man. namely, regarding the man…

i’m outspoken, outgoing, extroverted, loud, boisterous, uplifting, cheery, hilarious, MODEST, etc. and when i’m around him, i’m someone completely different. still hilarious, cheery, uplifting, and all the rest, but i’m so shy. i don’t know what it is. i want to tell him that i like him. i want to let him know how i feel. but i’m scared. it’s odd.

i was talking with steph at work the other day about all of this and she asked me how confident i was that he liked me back, and i said at least 80%, probably closer to 85% or so. i mean, he does super sweet things for me. he opens my car door, brushes the snow off my car, pays for dinner, pays for drinks, smiles at me despite the fact that there are other people in the room who may see us “making eyes” at each other, burns me cds of music he thinks i’ll like, explains things to me so that i can understand them, shows me things that he has made or that he has to do for school, even if i can’t understand them. i mean, it’s really cute. he’s just adorable, and i want to be around him all the time.

our common enemy is time. he is completely devoted to school, like… completely. it’s an odd juxtaposition, i think. he’s someone who is so much his own person, so unconforming, so unique, so individual, and yet, he is entirely into school. he has had a 4.0 gpa for the last two semesters or so, and i’d be surprised if he didn’t have one this semester also.

i now have two jobs. i work A LOT. especially when people call in, which has happened to me twice in the past three days. i figured out at work yesterday that from wednesday to sunday, i worked 67.5 hours. but in that time span, i had 3 pm saturday to 3 pm sunday off from both jobs, so if we removed 24 hours from that equation, it evens out to about 17 hours per day. damn. i need to slow it down…

anyway, so i work all the time, and he works all the time, and i don’t know how to reconcile the two. i’m getting ahead of myself, though, because we’re not even together. i’m nervous around him. my stomach balls up and i feel like i might throw up. i have not felt this way in a really long time. it’s like middle school crush feeling. and it’s awesome.

i am plagued by the what-ifs. what if i was wrong and the signs i interpretted as flirtation were really him just being a nice guy? what if i tell him i like him and he doesn’t feel the same way? what if we try to be together and we can never find the time? what if i make a fool out of myself and ruin our friendship? i don’t know. i don’t know what to do or how to do it. i don’t know how to say i like you in terms that make it sound better than the one-syllable words it really is. i like you. i have feelings for you? no, corny. i really enjoy hanging out and i want to get to know you better? also extremely corny. i don’t know… how do i do this? heeeeeeelp!

i wish i had shakespeare scripting my confession of liking scene… maybe not the whole story because i don’t want to have to dress like a man, be tricked by fairies, kill myself, or drown in order to advance my love story. i just want to tell him and to have him reciprocate and for everything from there on out to be wonderful.

i saw victor wooten on saturday night, and it was amazing, as usual. i really wish i were that good or passionate about anything. he’s just amazing. he warps the instrument into whatever he wants it to be– funky, fun, melodic, sweet, smooth, choppy, etc. he was there… my guy… but we didn’t sit together. he bought his ticket a billion months before i did and he was way closer, but off to the side. i was back further from the stage, but more center. we both agreed i had the better seat.

he left the show early, so when i call him he was already at his room. i went over there and hung out. i saw some of the girls who had lived at the hotel when it was a dorm. he made me cds and a les claypool dvd. we watch youtube videos of crazy drum solos and bassists. he got out his bass and played for me, looking into my eyes the whole time. it was incredibly intimate (despite the fact that his roommate was in the room the entire time). we walked around together for a while and he made me laugh while we were talking about drunk kids flailing on the same path as us.

my tire pressure was low, and he hopped in my car telling me to take it to the gas station and he would fill it for me. when we got there, the air pump was broken, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right? i drove him back and we talked for another hour or so sitting in my car. our goodbye was a long hug and a “i have to go before we start talking again because i’ll be here all night” type of parting comment.

aaaaahhhh… someone advise me. what do i do? how do i get up the balls to say something? he’ll be going home (about 4 hours away) in a little over a month. what then? it’s just crazy for me to feel something so… strong and so… pure. i’m taken aback and confused as to what my next step should be.

until then

wednesday:

disposable job (d.j. hereafter)– 10:30-2

hotel– 3-11

thursday:

d.j.– 9-2:30

hotel 3-11

friday:

d.j.–9-2:30

hotel–3-11

saturday:

d.j.– 9-3

no hotel, VICTOR WOOTEN at night!

i’m super excited to see victor wooten.  more on this subject later.  for now, i must sleep since i don’t think i’ll be getting much of it in the next couple days.  i can’t wait to adjust to getting up early.  thursday will be the worst of it, though.  and friday, i guess.

a couple pictures

is it stupid to include a picture of yourself on the internet while providing intimate insights into your mind?  i mean, hypothetically of course.

those are my two favorite pictures of myself from the st. patrick’s day parade here in buffalo.  it was on sunday march 16, and i had a blast.  what i wonder is how/why those two pictures are my favorite and they were both taken at the bar around the corner from the hotel that i *love.*  i took 160 pictures that day.  literally, i’m not exaggerating.  i was that guy.  the guy who was like, PICTURE!  everytime anyone said or did anything cute or funny.  you know, like breathing.

i went to breakfast at a greek diner around the corner from the hotel (everything i could ever want or need can be found in allentown, i’m convinced) and had a delicious breakfast complete with dippy eggs and bacon.  yum.  i had magic hat #9 all over the place, and even started the day off with a carbomb.  i am not the biggest fan of carbombs.  everyone loves them, but i am sort of… indifferent about them.  i’m not good at chugging that kind of stuff.  i am not even that good at chugging beer.  i’m probably best at chugging water or milk.  but i still humored my friends and did a carbomb.

for being drunk for the entire day, i managed to only spend about $20 on alcohol, which is a miracle.  i would have been in the clear if people hadn’t suggested pizza.  and if i hadn’t offered to pay for the whole thing.  and then decided that one pizza wasn’t enough, and that my roommate and i could split another one when i got home.  guess what i had for lunch for almost a week?

i consider that money well spent.  it was an investment in my education.  it taught me… DON’T ORDER TWO PIZZAS WHILE DRUNK AND OFFER TO PAY FOR THEM!  that’s okay, next time i’m intoxicated, i promise to myself i won’t order two pizzas.

maybe just one and a half.

top five articles of clothing i own that i could wear everyday

in no order:

1.  my green corduroy short pants

ever since buying these on a whim in about october or so, i’ve worn them at least 1-2 times a week and probably about every other time i leave the house for a social scenario.  i intend to wear them all the damn time in the summer.  they will be perfect for sandals and a tank top.

2.  my fleece pajama pants

winter in buffalo gets cold, cold, cold, cold, coooooooooold!  and my down comforter really helps me stay warm (a ton!), but sometimes i’m still ridiculously freezing and need some extra warming power.  enter the fleece pajama pants.  poof!  i’m warm!

3.  my gray empire waisted peasant top

i got this at old navy in november, i think, and i actually forgot that i bought it until about 2-3 weeks after the fact.  since then, i’ve worn it about a bajillionty times.  it’s perfect for everything.  it makes me look bohemian.  it makes me look put together enough to enter “put together” establishments.  it makes me feel fantastic.  the cut and color are absolutely flattering.  i love this shirt.  so glad i bought it!

4.  my fluffhead hoodie

i bought this for myself about 4-5 years ago at new age creation.  it was an obscene amount of money.  i think i’d just gotten christmas money from someone and was like, hey, let’s blow it all in one place!  and i’ve never looked back.  fluffhead is a cute enough word/ phrase that even people who don’t get the phish reference really enjoy seeing the hoodie.  “hi, fluffhead!”  it’s a color blue that at one point in my life, i was sure i’d never wear.  and with orange contrasting writing?  but now i’m used to it, and i love it, and i could literally wear it all day every day and be happy.

5.  either my red or my black (or both) victoria’s secret ipex bra

not to be naughty or provocative, but one time my roommate walked into my room and found my vibrator.  he was in the middle of telling me a story about something he had seen on “modern marvels” and stopped dead in his tracks.   i asked him if he wanted to see how it worked and he said yes so i showed him (fully clothed, perv!) all the different functions and settings.  he stood in awe.  i said, “heh, this thing should be on modern marvels.”

this, too, is how i feel about the bras.  they are perfect, really.  they’re uplifting and supportive, especially for someone with a large chest like me.  they feature fantastic coverage and a nice smooth, soft material unlike anything i’ve ever felt.  they’re stylish and versatile.  and they are comfortable.  sometimes i feel like i will topple over one day from the weight of my breasts.  with all the strain and stretching on my back, neck, and shoulders, it is nice to wear a supportive, covering bra that’s cute and comfy!  fucking expensive?  yes, but worth every penny.

top five books i’ve read since being out of school

in order:

1. pride and prejudice– jane austen
2. (not fair, but i’m doing it anyway. this is my list damn it!) the lord of the rings series– j.r.r. tolkien

3. savage beauty– nancy milford
4. high fidelity– nick hornby

5. chronicles volume one– bob dylan

top five concert goers/ behaviors/ activities i hate

in no particular order:

1.  clapping.

clapping at shows is the bane of my existance.  i mean, unless the band specifically motions for you to clap along, don’t do it.  even if the band does, i still don’t clap, but then at least i can understand it coming from others.  no offense, brah, but after downing five rolling rocks in the parking lot and three molsons inside, your drunk ass is not, nor will it ever be, as good as the actual rythym section.  stop now.

2.   people who scream the lyrics to a song

yes, girl in the gauzy shirt that was at the keller williams show i attended tonight, yes.  i paid $23 to hear you shout yourself hoarse to “alligator alley” while slushing a wine cooler around.  yes, please “sing” louder.  no, louder.  almost.  okay, there it is.  i get it, you love the music and want/need to show your true fandom.  do that by growing dreads instead or something.

3.  glowsticks

they hurt when they hit you.  this one should be a no brainer.

4.  people who are too fucked up

you know the kind.  they are always standing immediately adjacent to you.  they flail their arms with no rhyme or reason, stumble-dance, spill their drink on you, or for the very unfortunate, they puke on you.

5.  those who have no respect for quiet parts of songs

now that i think about it, all of these pet peeves of mine could probably be displayed by the same person in a matter of a couple seconds.  it’s quiet.  it’s a pause.  it’s lovely.  it is not  an invitation for you to “WOOOOOO” as loud as you can or shout “I LOVE YOOOOOU TREEEEEEEEEEYYYYY!” as if you were speaking to someone thousands of miles away.  it is not your cue to scream as if you were being mugged in a dark alley.  silence:  learn it, love it, live it.